A few years ago I was plagued by many nightmares, waking up to countless horrors of reminders of things that I had suppressed deep in my conscience.  I did not want to remember nor deal with the pain of the past.  But truly what is dark must be revealed in the light and God kept speaking to my heart that I  needed to deal with the pain in order to move on and in doing so then I would not hold onto the pain.  You see, trying to pretend or forget about traumatic events only causes someone to hold onto the pain they are trying so desperately to forget and it always comes out.  God allowed for me to remember, though I fought it, it came to the light.  Evil had to be dealt with and ultimately I would come face to face with a serial killer and truly it wasn’t a daring confrontation, but rather the will of the Holy Spirit of God that allowed me to confront a murderer.  This murderer is full of pride, lies, destruction, hate, and continuous calamity.  The name of him is Satan and I did come face to face with him once in a vision of the night.  After the many nightmares of reminders of trauma were over, then came my confrontation with the devil, the murderer since the very beginning.  One night the Lord allowed Satan to come to me and surround me with his minion of other fallen angels that surrounded me with their bows and arrows pointed right at me.  Spiritual illness was plaguing my former church and the Lord had called me into a special type of fast with prayer regarding spiritual illness and sickness that was going around.

I suffered from a condition known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which many military soldiers who have been in the war suffer from, but also those who have witnessed, or experienced trauma can get this.  Some people that go through trauma don’t get PSTD.  How did I get this?  Quite simply by me pushing the memories deep and not dealing with the trauma at the time, causes those memories to be released.  The Lord is helping me through this as I am no longer the victim but a survivor as God is healing me.  I had a paralysis that is not visual to the outside world, but yet there are some who are insensitive and say, the past is the past.  True regarding that but God has compassion and works on healing those who suffer with getting past traumatic events.  This trauma changed my brain chemistry also since I was a child when this happened and young teen.  Many things had happened along the way making healing even harder.  But don’t judge based on the paralysis of someone that is suffering from being traumatized because truly they don’t want to focus on it and it is the opposite of what you may think.  If someone is hit by a car and survives but is paralyzed as a result which causes them to remain in a wheel chair, would you say to that person, you got hit 10 years ago, that is in the past?  The result of being hit is being paralyzed.  The result of the many traumas that I went through was for me to remain paralyzed in my brain that was changed due to what happened and without any thought to it.

Having unwanted memories of trauma doesn’t mean that the person isn’t forgiving the one who caused it, but rather it is the result and repeated trauma just continues to add to the injury, just like if the person who became physically paralyzed by being hit by a car, were to continue to be injured, then it would only become worse for healing to begin.  The Holy Spirit has power and through the believer can do many amazing things.  This is what has happened with me.  The night that I came face to face with the devil and his many fallen angels ready to shoot me, the Power of God came through me as I spoke with boldness to Satan after he spoke these words to me, “You will not do the Daniel fast and you will not pray to God.”  I looked right at him as there was no fear whatsoever and I saw him for who God had made him, which was beauty on the outside, then the Holy Spirit of God with Power through me said directly to Satan, “Get away from me, Satan.  I know what you are trying to do.”  Then at that moment, the dominion of fallen angels simultaneously shot their bows and arrows at me from which they all bounced right off of me and back to them.  As Satan watched this, he said nothing more and I woke from my vision of the night.  Truly when we confront evil head on in the Name of Jesus it is not at all a daring confrontation, but only a Spirit of Power.  Ephesians 6:10-17  Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand.

STAND FIRM THEN, WITH THE BELT OF TRUTH BUCKLED AROUND YOUR WAIST, WITH THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS IN PLACE, AND WITH YOUR FEET FITTED WITH THE READINESS THAT COMES FROM THE GOSPEL OF PEACE.  IN ADDITION TO ALL THIS, TAKE UP THE SHIELD OF FAITH, WITH WHICH YOU CAN EXTINGUISH ALL FLAMING ARROWS FROM THE EVIL ONE.  TAKE THE HELMET OF SALVATION AND THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, WHICH IS THE SWORD OF THE WORD OF GOD.